Choosing your friends doesn’t mean arrogance

    As the saying goes, no man is an island. You need people around you to operate effectively as you cannot do it all on your own. However, who are the people that you keep around you? Do they make a positive impact on your life? Are they the people God wants for you to be with? What are you doing in the life of that person? These are a few questions you must ask yourself before you get into a relationship with anybody.

The area of concern this at this point is female to female relationship. In this case, the green-eyed monster is the 'destructor' of female friendships as it goes before any other genuine intention of the female friend to be. So many jokes can attest to the fact that women have issues-with one another. For example, women are not keen football players because eleven of them cannot be caught/seen wearing the same outfit. This is so true! Again, a cartoon I saw recently showed two men meeting for the first time and they shook each other with nothing in their minds. But in the case of two women meeting for the first time, a million things ran through their heads like; what is she wearing? Is her jewelery real? Her hair is a total mess and I hate her shoes. I laughed my head off at this joke.

It is true that in your association with another person, there are bound to be disagreements. No two people can agree on the same issues at the same time. That is why compromise exists in the dictionary! Even the Bible says you are to flee from people who come to you only for what they can get. Many times, we fall prey to unfaithful friends who come into our lives and take so much, yet give nothing at all. Don’t get me wrong, not all friends are bad.

When I look back at how I met most of the people I know, I realize I was approached by them first. It goes to confirm that they actually saw something in me that caught their interest. On my part, I find it difficult to approach someone whom I admire because that’s not my style. I really never had the talent of making friends (and I’ve been labeled a snob for that)! Note: please understand people and their weaknesses before you judge them; although, I’m also guilty of doing this.

It was difficult selecting the real friends from the pack of wolves but thank God, and after several years of torment, I finally found faithful ones. I have tried to stay faithful to my friends and acquaintances because if I don’t, how do I expect them to be faithful to me? I will be asking for too much!

Everyone has the tendency to gossip, back-bite, and lie about another person but there are some ways in which these can be prevented. I have swimmingly applied the following and it has worked for me;

·        Since I usually don’t like spending so much time on my phone, it has saved me the trouble of spreading gossip! This means that I hardly ever call anyone without a good reason to. If I must wish you well and know how you are doing, I’ll send a text. You and I know you need more than 3 SMS pages to send a gist!

·        I never ever give room for gossip so my friends find it difficult to call me up with such rubbish. I end up being the last person to hear the story (even if it was about me)!

·        Most times, I like to put myself in the position of the person being talked about…

·        I ask myself sometimes, is it true? Given that I won’t be able to hear what the gossiped-about person has to say, I write it off as another wild story and the gossip [the tale-bearer] a false crier!

Why am I hammering on gossip? It is because; this is the deal breaker in many relationships. A lot of people can tolerate you gossiping about them without confronting you for reasons best known to them but for me, I don’t take that lightly. And this is not a matter of forgive and forget!

Most importantly, know who your real friends are; it saves you so much trouble. If you have to go through a screening process, please do! You may be called arrogant, snobbish, conceited, self-absorbed and what have you. Don’t let that phase you. Trust me; you don’t want to be brooding over what a friend said about you or a disappointment from those whom you deemed trustworthy.

 All the same, in choosing friends, look out for people who you share common interests with. This goes to confirm why you have more friends in your school, church, office, etc than you do elsewhere. A party goer can’t hang out with a bibliophile (bookworm). It just won’t seem right. I’m not suggesting that you maintain friendships with the rich (if you are rich)…go figure!

Ask God for guidance in making the decision to select your friends. Also ask that he gives you the courage to tolerate those whom you have become attached to and can’t just condemn them for their ignorance. As variety is the spice of life as some would say, it is also a gift to have a lot of people around you with different characteristics. Try to see them as builders of your faith and strength to overcome obstacles in life; because if they don’t disappoint you, certainly, something else would. They are just there to help you know that people will remain who they are and won’t change just to suit your desires.

It’s a learning process for me though. I have been able to tolerate disappointments from my friends and handle it with maturity. A few years back in my ignorance, I would’ve literally deleted the person from my memory! The most recent disappointment I encountered was when my best friend and Chief-brides’ maid to be stood me up a week to my wedding. By the way, she had no reason for her decision. I was devastated. After all our planning and arrangements, promising to be at each others' wedding; to support and to cheer…

Well, this disappointment was a blessing in disguise. I was able to quickly make new arrangements for my younger sister (bless her) who I never thought could fit into the role; to take the responsibility of Chief-bride’s maid. She handled it perfectly and I’m grateful for her. As for my friend, she sent many messages across, saying how sorry she was. When I got over the pain, I put a call to her delight. Before she could say anything, I told her I had forgiven her. To hear the words come out from my mouth is indescribable. My heart was filled with warmth. She is getting married this month and I wish her all the best even though I won’t be able to make it because I’m still on honeymoon mode.

I’m proud to say as I’m alive; I’ll still meet good people. Those who we’d definitely have something reasonable to talk about other than wallow in frivolities...

To be continued...

A God of Second Chance Part 2

Have you ever wondered why some people are blessed and while others are not? As the saying goes, “not all fingers are equal”. Believe it or not, this is very true. I absolutely believe that this is true for one reason; if two people were given the same opportunities to prosper or excel, one would always do better than the other no matter what. This is due to the capability of each individual. Even twins are not destined to walk on the same path even though they must have shared the same womb, be raised by the same parents and were loved equally. Typically, the example of Cain and Abel, Esau and Jacob, Joseph & his brothers etc; would come up in this scenario. Each and every one of us must have personal experiences of this. Look up the biblical parable of the man and his servants-Matthew 25: 14-30 and the parable of the prodigal son-Luke 15: 11-32. A summary would be that God gives to every man according to his ability and though we have erred and strayed away like lost sheep, He is willing to take us back thereby, giving us a second chance. One could also conclude that indeed, not all fingers are equal. Given the same circumstances and conditions, not every one experiences the same results.

The book of Ecclesiastes confirms that there is a season for everything- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. Why then, do we grumble when the rich is getting richer and the poor getting poorer? The ways of the Lord cannot be understood by the ordinary man. You would have to be in the supernatural realm to unravel the mystery behind God’s actions.

David was a man after Gods’ own heart. If we read from the book of 1 Samuel 17:12 to 1 Kings, we can see the transformation of David from a shepherd boy to a King. In the course of his life, we should note that David sinned against God on several occasions but was able to warm his way back to his maker.

Have we ever paused to wonder why the Lord gives us a second chance? Suicide which is forbidden in the kingdom of heaven has occurred a time too many and even Christians are guilty of this. Many of us sometimes get to the brink of taking our own lives because of shame or failure. We can neither face those whom we have wronged nor live with ourselves thereby, contemplating suicide. That is sinful! Taking our lives when God who gave it to us is not yet done with us indicates a high degree of ingratitude. With all the evil we have done all the days of our lives, God has always given us a second chance. The only problem is we take this for granted.

Everyman created by God has a destiny. In my opinion, whether you are good or bad, you shall not perish until you have accomplished all that is your destiny with God. You are made for a purpose and your destiny cannot be cut short until God says so. The covenant between God and father Abraham is meant for us, to partake of; but not until we have faith! Genesis 13-22. Take note of Gen.22: 17-18 (Abraham’s blessings are mine). The Lord gives us a second chance because He is not finished with us.

After my father passed on, I would say that I was in shock. Having witnessed his brutal murder at the tender age of eleven, I was unable to differentiate the role of a man in my life. When I got to the age where I thought it was right to date, I found it hard to keep a relationship. I was very close to my dad and apart from being a strict disciplinarian, there were other traits he had which I looked out for- though I was still young. He was very educated, an academician at that. He was also funny, very clever and a doting father to all of us. During the course of my dating years, I found out that no two people are the same. With the naivety of a young girl, I nearly lost my way in my search for the perfect man (dad-match). Years on, I overcame that shock and have moved on in spite of the joys and pains on the way. The disappointments I met on the way did not make me want to take my life. Even with the death of my father and the hardship my family faced along the way, none of us gave up on life.

Today, I am a living testimony of God’s divine grace. My life has been a struggle but I keep pushing on knowing that God is not yet through with me. I am an example of a fulfilled life in Christ Jesus. Let it be known that no matter what you are facing, the trials and temptations; no matter what you must have done, no man has the right to condemn you. You are answerable to God Almighty. It is right as the Lord commands that you respect the laws of the land. However, you might be looking for a way to escape justice of the land and end up worsening your situation. Surrender your life to God and let Him take control of whatever challenge you are going through and He will help you overcome.

Prayer

Almighty and most merciful Father, eternal rock of ages and redeemer of my soul, help me to know you more. In my darkest hour, in my deepest despair, I want you to reveal yourself to me. My covenant with you shall not wither like the trees in autumn; and I would never lose faith in your word. Thank you for my life, thank you for the air I breathe. Thank you for being my Lord and personal saviour. In you I put my trust, let me not ever be found wanting; In the name of Jesus, Amen.

A God of Second Chance Part 1

There are times (if we are sincere enough to admit) when we wonder why ‘bad’ people prosper. As Christians, we tend to forget the true meaning of the word of God and only understand the scriptures with our human minds. Being prosperous doesn’t mean you are wealthy or affluent; these are worldly gifts. According to Pastor Chris Oyakilome in his daily devotional: Rhapsody of Realities, he defined prosperity as more than just having money, “prosperity means to be safe and well, to fare well in life; to live happily in health, peace, riches and favour…It also means to experience total soundness and wholeness in every aspect of your life- to be successful in all you do”.

This brief introduction is merely an insight to what the topic is trying to address.

So who does the society label a ‘bad person’? From time immemorial, there has been good people, bad people and ugly people-thanks to Clint Eastwood for the last inclusion. In the book of Genesis, the first murder ever to be recorded in history occurred when Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. Gen. 4:8. After reading through the scriptures, we shall discover that Cain suffered the consequence of his actions but God did not allow him perish. Cain went on to father Enoch and generation after generations from his loins. With our human minds, Cain is automatically labelled a bad person for killing his brother. This is why murder is a heinous crime punishable by death by the laws of man.

In my opinion, a bad person is someone who at a particular period of time, carries out an action which is not acceptable to those around him. It could be verbal abuse, physical abuse, vices like theft, murder and what have you. Ordinarily, our God would judge us based on our adherence to the 10 commandments which he sent through Moses on Mount Sinai-Exodus 20:1-17. Imagine the wrath of God on us as we have erred and strayed away from the laws which He gave us. Now do we call ourselves bad people? People are quick to judge one another, with all venom in their tone.

We sound bitter when we see a man; who must have murdered someone, prosper. The Lord said, “It is not for us to judge lest we be judged” Matthew 7:1-2. A very hard working man who lives life in dignity and integrity can barely make ends meet and here he see this rich man who is a wife-beater, fraudster and pervert, living life to the fullest. This is a similar case to that of Lazarus and the Rich man- Luke 16:20-31. These are but a few of thousands of illustrations from around the world. From the examples above, one must note that certain things happen for God to manifest His power and authority. Good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people and vice versa.

God, who in His awesome majesty made the heavens and the earth, is King of Kings and Lord of Lords; is merciful and just to forgive us our sins. He has the supremacy to judge and sanction us-His creation. But behold brethren, in His infinite mercy; He is willing to give us a second chance! Isn’t that great?

An encounter of our God as a God of second chance, hit very close to home. I have a friend whom I’ve known for about seven (7) years, who in the first few years since we met, was someone I could have easily labelled a bad person. Her conduct was nothing to write home about. The society in which we reside sees young girls who date white-men, foreigners- ‘oyibos’, ‘angolo’, ‘orange man’ as prostitutes and she had one whom she was dating. Not to make myself look good, I really had no problem with what she was doing; I am not racist! The only problem was when people were saying, “show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are”. That gave me cause for worry. At that time, she was also in another relationship with a young boy- Wole* of the same age-group as she. They fought all the time because of her philandering ways (we shouldn’t discuss the fact that she was having pre-marital sex with Wole). It got so bad that she travelled for 2 weeks with another man (not the oyibo) without telling me, and then came back to my house to harbour her when Wole threatened to beat her mercilessly. On this particular occasion, I refused to open my doors to her as I had been labelled an accessory to her deeds. That was the day when she jumped 2 storeys to save herself from being killed by Wole. God is merciful! Worse still, she never went to church- a stay at home Christian, but yet, she had everything going for her. She was in worldly terms, prosperous. But within, she was nothing near that. The troubles she had to put up with everyday and the struggles to feed her younger ones must have taken its toll on her. Her case was not one to be envied by those of us who were close to her.

To cut the very, very long story short, and four (4) years down the line; she has picked up the pieces of her life. I was in the UK when she told me she was getting married to a God-fearing, responsible young man. I was privileged to meet her husband and I could not be any happier for her. Today, she has a beautiful daughter –which I happen to be God mother to. I bet if we trace back to my friend of yesteryears, we would question God on His ability to forgive a sinner and change his life for the better. However, we should be grateful to God for being able to give us another chance, another shot at life; before it’s too late.

Prayer

Our Father and our God, thank you for the gift of a second chance. Thank you for being kind and merciful unto me, a sinner. As many times I’ve almost given up due to my faithlessness and foolishness, you’ve drawn me closer to you and promised me a better tomorrow. I thank you because with you, my prosperity is certain and I am destined to be great. You deserve my praises all the days of my life…thank you heavenly father, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

EASTER-What does it mean to you?

       Our generation has included some elements which are identified with Easter-Easter Bunnies and Easter Egg Hunt. Whatever the reason, we strongly need to trace the Theological origin of Easter and what it signifies to us-Christians.

According to wikipedia, The New Testament teaches that the resurrection of Jesus, which Easter celebrates, is a foundation of the Christian faith. The resurrection established Jesus as the powerful Son of God and is cited as proof that God will judge the world in righteousness. God has given Christians "a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead".  Christians, through faith in the working of God are spiritually resurrected with Jesus so that they may walk in a new way of life.

As a believer of the Christian faith, I believe in wiki's description of Easter celebration. For me, it is a time to renew my mind towards God's word (which stands sure forever) and His divine purpose for my life. I believe that the death of Jesus was a demonstration of His love for me. Although He had to live out the prophesy of old and bring to pass God's divine plan, there is no greater illustration of love than the sacrifice which was made for me/my soul (John 15:13, Romans 5:6, Colossians 2:13-15).

Ultimately, His resurrection is 'victory of the power of death'. It is finished!

Hallelujah!!!

Jesus Christ, the Son of God is Holy and blameless, unstained by sin, undefiled by sinners...Hebrews 7:24-28. Imagine Him laying down His life to pay for all my sins. How amazing!

The best part (not trying to be over-excited) is, He lived on earth as a man and encountered trials and temptations but never for once did He fall for any of them. By this, He sits at the highest place of honor, at the right hand of God to intercede for us because He knows how weak our flesh can be.

The blood of the spotless lamb that was slain for my sins establishes a new covenant arrangement between myself and God. I can come into the presence of God my Father-to His very Throne of Grace and ask for whatever I want; for the death and resurrection of his Son Jesus has broken down the wall (sin) that used to separate me from God. Ephesians 2:4, 14-18, Ephesians 3:12.

I don't know about you but having understood the significance of the death and resurrection of Christ Jesus from the Scriptures( do some reading of your own) , I will endeavor to practice the essence of 'Easter' by showing LOVE to all.

There is this chapter from the book of Corinthians which I always loved to read but never fully understood the underlining meaning of what it tried to say. 1 Corinthians 13:1- end. Coincidentally, it was the chapter I read during my wedding! I now understand what it meant-Love is the greatest thing....

So dear friends, while you enjoy the festivities of the season, exhibit the same kind of love Christ showed when He died on the cross for you. I don't mean you should crucify yourself!Christ has taken care of that... you don't need to die again until your destiny has been fulfilled. Show love to the poor and needy this season and it shall be well with you.

All the same, the very foundation of our Christian faith has been restored and confirmed! We have been given a new lease on life, to walk in a new way of life.

Have a very blessed EASTER holiday!

My past ramblings

I want to take a break from the Word of God and address another realistic approach to life. Just before I got married, I wrote the following;

Things I remember during down days...

As a human being, I’ve come to the conclusion that no one is perfect. Duh, like anyone is. There are people with issues greater or lesser than yours-you are always in between. Sometimes, people see me as 24/7 happy but this is far from the truth. 

Occasionally, I get mood swings and encounter very irritating situations which makes me want to pull out my hair (after I must’ve turned bright orange in fury); but I’m quick to get out of it as soon as I remember certain things...

When you know your friends or people you know have something on you; take these steps

1.       Arm yourself with information about them-their own secret shame, so you can use it should the need arise

2.       Know that everyone is entitled to their opinion (of you) and it’s your prerogative to think they are stupid

3.       Never let them know that you know they have something on you- continue to feign ignorance (‘cos they just won’t stop)!

If it gets so bad that they throw your shortcomings in your face, remember to/that

1.       It’s obvious that you are indeed very special and they are vying for your attention

2.       Continue with ignorance…it doesn’t mean you’re a coward, you don’t want to give them the time of day

3.       It’s a minor event which will definitely occur in every phase of your life so use it to build yourself

In the event you hear a dear friend say something nasty about you i.e. gossiped about you

1.       Cry it out if you can because bottling it up will only kill you…slowly

2.       Confront him/her if you have to, especially if the relationship means a lot to you

3.       Laugh it off on how stupid you were to confide in them. They won’t have told your story if you didn’t tell them! 

You may have your own suggestions and approach to such circumstances but the above actions have been tried and tested and guess what, I worked!